Until the Pain Ends
by bobkitty1123
Summary: Sam is acting weird but is because of what happened in the school lock-in or is it something more serious? Seddie
1. Until The Pain Ends

**A/N -** Takes place a month after the events of iOMG. Please R&R. Thanks!  
>Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.<p>

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><p>"Where's Sam?" Carly asked, not looking up from the box of yellow feathers. "We need to rehearse the chicken bit." I shrugged from where I was fixing something on my laptop. The site banner kept disappearing whenever someone used the navigation bar. "Well, she does always take long to clear out my fridge."<p>

We laughed and shook our heads at their carnivorous friend. I was even thinking of the blond-haired demon before that. I had been thinking about her lately. At least ever since she had kissed me a month ago at the school lock-in. Nothing ever happened after that though. I kept trying to talk to her about it but she refused. She didnt even want to hear what i had to say. Eventually I dropped it and everything went back to normal... for the most part.

"Hey, Freddie. Hey Carls." Sam said, walking into the studio carrying a plate of cookies. She looked normal but something was off about the way she smiled so sweetly as she held out the plate to me.

I took a cookie, a suspicious look on his face. "What did you do to them?"

"Nothing." She smiled, picking one up and munching it. I almost wanted the cookie to have a laxative in it or taste terrible but they were really good. And they had nuts!

"Is this what you were up to?" Carly smirked, taking a bite of the cookie. When Sam turned away for a moment Carly gave me a thumbs-up. She was convinced that Sam was being so nice because she was in love with me.

I knew that wasn't completely true. Sure, that had been the reason leading up to the lock-in but afterwards she started treated me like Fredbag Benson again. Then about a week ago she became nice again without reason or explanation.

"So what are we going to do for the next iCarly sketch?" She smiled, plucking the list from Carly's hand and scanning it. She never took charge at meetings. I glanced at Carly for some kind of reassurance but she was just grinning. She probably had it in her head that Sam was doing this to impress me or something. I inwardly groaned. "You know, I always wanted to sing a song on the show."

"How come you never said anything before?" Carly looked at Sam surprised. I did too. I never thought about Puckett singing...I wondered if she was any good.

"Because I was always to scared to before."

I laughed and both girls turned to look at me. "Sam Puckett? Scared?"

"You know what? Sam snapped, sounding so much her old self I could have cried. But then her expression reluctantly softened and she said, "I was always a little self conscious about it." Her voice was low and sounded a like a small, shy child. The change was son evident, it scared me.

"Well, I think it is a great idea." Carly said, smiling. I swear sometimes that girl smiles too much.

"Yeah but we'll have to do a sound check." I replied, remembering the boy who we had on the show who couldn't sing. I didn't want Sam to be humiliated. "We'll have to do it later, though, I left my mic next door and my mom won't let me back in until her book club is over."

"Yeah, well, I have a doctor's appointment but you guys can use the studio." Sam was staring out the window and so her back was to us. I wish she had been facing us so Carly didn't wink dramatically causing my stomach to lurch. I did not plan to discussed anything with Sam. I wished Carly would stop try to encourage me.

"Well, Benson, that sounds like a date." Sam said, her tone monotonous as if her mind was everywhere but. I still couldn't help but start when she said "date".

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><p>"Okay, Spencer and I are leaving in five minutes and Sam should be here in ten." Carly gave me a nudge and I took a step away from her. She didn't notice as she was talking animatedly about ways how I could profess my "deep, true love" for Sam. This was just getting ridiculous.<p>

"Alright, Kiddo, let's go." Spencer walked in, clapping his hands together. "Later, Freddio!" e called, escorting Carly out of the apartment. He always seemed to know how I was dealing and must have realized his kid sister was starting to make my hair turn gray and fall out.

Finally I was alone. I moved to the couch and dropped down, burying my face in my hands with a deep intake of breath. I had felt so trapped these pat few weeks. It was like I was drowning in sand and the more I tried to claw my way to freedom, the deeper I was buried. Between Sam's odd behavior and Carly's "helping" the girls in my life were attempting to drive me utterly and absolutely crazy.

Sometime amidst my revelry, I heard the lock click and the door swing open. I knew who it was, I could the sounds of them eating ham...or some kind of meat. I was expecting...hoping for a snide remark about how I was crying about having no friends or if I had finally realized that my face was too ugly for society to handle. Neither of that wa true but Sam usually wouldn't have passed up that chance. Now I was deeply worried.

"Are you coming?" I sat up to find Sam near I nodded, and followed her up to the studio. She beat me by a few seconds and was sitting on the stool, holding the mic, waiting. A huge smile was on her face and she was swinging her legs playfully. It was just all too odd.

"Are you okay?" I ventured as I was setting up the program to record her.

"Yep!" I glanced up at her and caught a glimpse of a pained smile before it faded from her lips.

"Okay. Ready." I said with a tone of defeat. Obviously she wouldn't want to talk to a nub about her feelings and I was silly to think she would.

She sat up on the stool, looking confident but she didn't start singing. Suddenly her face fell and she started biting her lip which turned to chewing. She started playing with her hair, the hem of her shirt. I looked done to pause the program and when I glanced up, Sam was crying.

Yeah, Sam Puckett was crying.

It was full out crying either. If it weren't for the few tears that ran down her face I would have just assumed that she was in pain. It was so strange how beautiful such an ugly thing could look on some people. When Carly cried she looked hideous but Sam cried, it was so heartrendingly sad and somehow attractive  
>"Sam?" I asked, closing the distance between us and placing a hand on her shoulder. She grabbed a handful of my shirt and cried pitifully into it. "Sam?" I asked again and this time she responded with a small nod. "What's wrong?"<p>

"Nothing, Benson." The tone in her voice was so familiar. She leaned away from me. Her eyes were still red and her face was still streaked with tears but all the vulnerability went out of her face. "Well, correction, you're face is what is wrong." Then she waged her hand, shooing me away and I obliged returning to my computer.

Silence ensued. I glanced up a few times at Sam to find her just staring at her hands. I wanted to ask her questions but I decided that she would tell me when she was ready...if she was ready. It killed me though to see her cry then try to put her emotions away so quickly.  
>"Sorry, Freddie." Sam murmured, her apology genuine. I glanced up.<p>

"For what?"

"For being mean just now...being mean ever."

"Don't apologize." God, I was such a masochist. But she smile faintly. "Why are you apologizing? You've never apologized before."

"Yea, I have. When we were on the fire escape...and we had our first kiss." She said softly. I had to strain to hear practically.

"Last time you felt guilty about something too." I replied, raising an eyebrow. "Do you feel guilty abbot something? Because if you feel guilty about the kiss at the lock-in, don't."

"No, I don't feel guilty about that. I feel guilty about everything." Everything? What was this everything. I loomed at her face for answers but all I found was pain. "I want to be remembered fondly,not as some meat-craving bully."

"Remembered?" What was she talking about? Now, she was scaring me. "Where are you going?"

"Freddie, can I tell you a secret?" She asked.

"You can tell me anything, Sam." She gave me a faint grin then and reached up to grab a handful of her hair. Strangely the first thought that crossed my mind was _'oh my gosh, she is about to pull off her wig and reveal that she is Miley Stewart!'_. Not that I ever watched that stupid show. But then I got the greatest shock...she did pull off her wig.

Sam was bald!

This had to be a joke...something but Sam wasn't laughing. Instead she looked ready to cry. "What-." I began, the words dying on my tongue.  
>I walked over to the stool where she seemed to be very intently staring at her fingernails. I took her hands out of her lap and pressed them to my lips. It wasn't a kiss but just something I could remember my father doing before...well, before he left. I could see the sparkle in her eye.<br>Then her lips were on mine. It was more passionate than any other kiss before but it was also the shortest and the saddest because as she pulled away I noticed she was crying again.

I let her bury her face in my chest as I rubbed her back comfortingly. Huge sobs racked her small but tiny frame and they felt almost painful. I hated seeing her this way...so hurt.

"What wrong?" I asked, rubbing a curious hand over her bare scalp. It didn't feel shaved.

"I have leukemia, Freddie!" She wailed. Then her voice feel to a whisper. "And I'm scared."

I held her even more tightly, feeling my heart breaking in my chest. I wondered if she heard the cracking. Sam, the girl I loved was sick and broken, seemingly beyond repair and there was nothing I could do except keep loving her and holding her until there was no more pain.


	2. Punching Walls

**A/N - **I decided to continue this story. So I hope you enjoy!  
>Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.<p>

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><p>Sam had leukemia!<p>

It hit me like a sac of rocks; all the air in my lungs was gone. Sam left in a hurry after she told me her secret. I wondered if Carly knew but she mustn't have. If Carly knew she would be freaking out...that was why I didn't plan to be the one to tell her.

That was a harder feat than I had realized.

I never realized how few friends I had until I couldn't think of one person to talk to about this pain that sat on my chest like a small, furry creature. I needed something...or someone to help pull these claws from my flesh. And I couldn't turn to either of my closest friends.

"Freddie? Did you finish your recording session with Sam?" I hadn't even realized I hadn't moved since Sam scooped up her wig and left. I was still standing a few feet from my tech stand, looking down at my feet. "Oh my goodness, Freddie! What happened?" Carly shouted.

Until I heard her ask I hadn't even realized that I was crying, the tears drying on my face and making my skin feel sticky. I reached up a hand and wiped the saltiness off my face. I was engulfed in darkness for a moment but when I dropped my hand, I could see Carly looking at me. She seemed frozen by the sheer strangeness of my tears. I never cried in front of anyone...not once. Not even when my dad left...

"Nothing...I just have got to go." I grabbed my laptop and tried to leave but Carly blocked me. I ended up tripping. My laptop slid out of my wet fingers and crashed to the floor. The entire device came apart like a puzzle. Twelve different pieces scattered around the room. I just stopped and stared with disbelief. It was almost surreal. "Goddammit, Carly." I muttered.

"Oops?" She gave me a guilty smile and shrugged. I swear I could have hit her. I mean, being friends with her was more trouble than it was worth. When she wasn't being boy-crazy or self-centered, she was making everything worse. It was like at the lock-in when she was trying to hook up Sam and Brad...she just succeeded in making everything complicated. I was tired of her.

"Oops?" I snapped, whirling to face her. She shrunk back, seeing that for once I wasn't going to give into her. When I was still head-over-heels for her, I was so easily swayed by her just batting her eyelashes at me. Long since that stopped working. I watched her bend down to start collecting the pieces. "Don't touch it." I said, clenching and unclenching my fist.

"Come on, Freddie...it's just a computer." Carly said with a smirk, giving my arm a nudge. She thought this was all some joke. This was real and I was real tired of it.

"Are you an idiot, Carly?" I screamed, kicking the largest piece so it collided with the wall and exploded into a million little pieces. "It is not just a computer! It's everything! You're best friend is dying and you're too damn oblivious to realize it! And I am in love with someone who I now get to watch die! My father got out of prison a week ago! And everything is crumbling down all around me and all you can say is 'oops'?" I bent and grabbed a few pieces and left the rest. "Just cut the bullshit, Carly."

With that I started to walk out. I couldn't even look at Carly's face. I already knew the pain I would find there. I instantly hated myself for all I said but at the same time all this anger wasn't out of my system. I wanted to cry and scream and tear down everything around me. But Freddie Benson wasn't violent...he didn't cry or get really angry for very long but that was going to change.

Carly reached out and grabbed my arm. She gave me this look that she expected would make me putty in her hands. I shook my arm out of her grasp but she lunged forward again. She just wouldn't let go. "Get off, Carly." I snarled, swinging my arm backwards. Carly lost her grip and fell onto the ground. I took that as a chance to run out.

Somewhere behind me I could hear Carly screaming at me not to come back and that all I was, was a filthy bastard. I almost smirked. It was one of those moments that felt like a dream. It was so damn unreal. Why was all this shit happening to me?

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><p>My fingers were bleeding and small red drops stained the carpet. Huge bloody dents riddled the walls, the pattern occasionally broken by a hole. I pressed my hand to my forehead, gritting my teeth. The pain helped me to clear my mind. It seemed so simple when the pain ran through the tendons in my arms.<p>

I grabbed to roll of gauze and started wrapping my hand, watching roll after roll become stained. I dropped the last roll as my fist started throbbing. Bitter tears ran down my face. I felt every muscle screaming as I slammed my fist into the wall. My mom was going to freak but that hardly mattered.

I heard the phone ringing but I didn't move. I stood still, waiting for the silence to ensue. I heard the beep of the answering machine. I lumbered over to the doorway to listen. "Hey! It's Carole in 7-H. I was just wondering if you needed some help moving your furniture. Bill's pretty strong so you won't be bashing it around so much." She just thought we were rearranging the furniture.

That was when the idea struck me.

Instead of mutilating my hands any further, I gathered all the pillows and blankets I could find. I even tore the cushions off the couch. My mom wasn't going to be home for a few days...she was off at a conference or something. I had hardly listened as she told me between reminding me to wear clean underwear and waving the list of emergency numbers in my face. I had a feeling she wasn't going to a conference but rather trying to get away from my dad. He came at least once a day to try and talk to her. I always turned him away.

I even paused to wash my hands, gritting my teeth as the water that ran down the drain turned red. My skin was raw and stung but I ignored it as I wrapped my hand in a towel. My left hand was rather intact...only slightly red as I was more predominantly right handed. I was ambidextrous though so at least I wouldn't be laid up.

I got started in my room, smiling faintly as I could see the idea playing out in my head. Punching walls and being bitter would help nothing. So instead of focusing on the pain and the anger, I decided to focus on something more productive. Though even as got started on my project, I couldn't help but want to punch something again...

But Fredward Benson wasn't that kind of guy. I wasn't angry or violent or any of that other crap.


	3. A Bucket of Chicken & A Large Soda

**A/N - **Next chapter! Yay! I hope you enjoy. R&R  
>Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.<p>

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><p>"Benson?" I heard Sam from the front door. Of course when she got there she just picked the lock and walked in. I smiled...that was so typically Sam. At least some things never changed. "This better be important Fredwad... Mama was in the middle of enjoying some chicken wings and a Girlie Cow marathon."<p>

"Well, if you'll just come in here, I will buy you an entire bucket of chicken and turn on _anything_ you want to watch." I called from my room, smirking. Honestly I would buy her anything she wanted at this point.

"And a large soda?"

"The largest." I called back. I leaned out the door and smiled at her as she crossed the living room. She hadn't seen me yet but I saw her pause and pull her wig off. She dropped it on the table and scratched at her scalp with a sour look on her face. I ducked back inside, digging through my dresser drawers. I knew I had something...I smiled as I pulled it out.

"Woah, Benson!" I heard Sam gasp behind me. I turned to see her staring at my room in amazement. I also noticed how she pulled her hood over her bare head so I stepped forward offering the piece of fabric in my hand. Snatching it from me, she pulled the hat down over her ears. "Thanks. So, um, did you do this?"

"Yep!" I smiled proudly as she crawled into the fort. I hung the blankets from the ceiling, making a giant tent. In the center was a mound of pillows. Sam pulled off her shoes and launched herself onto it. I smiled at the grin on her face. At that point I figured I ought to called the wing place and get the bucket of chicken delivered.

I dug my phone out of my pocket. "Why?" Sam asked behind me. I took the phone from my ear and turned to face her. Then her eyes widened, she noticed my bloody hand. It was wrapped up but the bleeding hadn't stopped yet. "What happened? Lose a battle with a can opener, Fredbag?" She smirked playfully at me.

"Nah...it was nothing." I said, putting the phone back to my ear to hear the delivery guy picked up. "A large bucket of chicken wings and a large pepi-cola... Bushwell Plaza. No, no, not the Shay's ...but I am right across the hall. Yeah, this is Freddie. Okay...thanks." I hung up and caught Sam smiling at me.

"You never answered my question." She snapped, pulling her foot up and picking at her toenails.

"Yes, I did. I said _nothing_."

"No, I asked why you made this." She motioned to the fort built around her.

"Well, I figured it would be a nice thing to do since...well, you know..." I muttered. I felt bad to be partially lying to her. Then I noticed her face...

"This is why I didn't want to tell anyone!" She snapped, jumping up and jumping down to the floor. "I don't want to be treated any differently." She pushed me down and turned as if ready to walk out. I reached out and gently grasped her wrist. I saw her eyes flicker from my face to my left hand and back. I knew she was gauging how easily she could snap my wrist.

"Wait... I lied okay? I made it for another reason." I let go but she stayed, curiosity in her large blue eyes. She still crossed her arms as though skeptical. "The real reason was that I needed to get my mind off things." I pulled back a blanket to reveal the wall.

She gasped and came forward to examine the wall. Her eyes flickered to my wrapped hand. "Freddie." She said, her voice soft.

"It's just that my dad's back and mom is all upset. And then this happens. It's all too much." I groaned, leaning against my dresser and running a hand over my face. I expected Sam to get upset but instead I felt her grab my arm. She pulled my arm from my face so my hand was in hers. She pressed it to her lips just like I had before.

Sam pressed her face into my neck as I wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her smiling against my skin. Then I got a surprise as I felt her lips placing small kisses down to my collarbone. She leaned back, watching me with those beautiful eyes of hers. I leaned down planting a single kiss on her cheek.

That wasn't enough for her though. She grabbed my shirt violently and pulled me forward. Our lips met clumsily but it was still enough to send me reeling. Our hands were soon tangled in one another's hair. Sam suddenly broke away and grabbed a fistful of my shirt.

Next thing I knew, I was lying on the pile of pillows and Sam was half-straddling, half-lying on top of me. Our lips were pressed together and my hands rested on her hips. We weren't going _that_ far but it did seem like we couldn't get any closer as her tongue found itself into my mouth.

_DING-DONG!_

We broke apart, startled and out of breath. We looked at one another a moment before we burst out laughing. Sam smiled and crawled off me. At that moment her phone rang...so I went to get her food while she answered the call.

"Thanks, Barty." I said to the man as I took the food from him and handed him the cash.

"So I'm assuming you have a Puckett in there somewhere. No one but that girl can eat so much."

We both laughed. "Well, thanks." I smiled and shut the door.

Just then I saw Sam stomped out of my room, the phone still pressed to her ear. She turned to me, clicking it shut. "Hey, you're food is he-." She flat-out decked me and I fell onto the ground, holding my face as the door slammed shut.

What just happened?


	4. Changes

**A/N - **Another chapter! Not sure how much I like this chapter but there should be a least one more, if not two more chapters. R&R  
>Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.<p>

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><p>I couldn't fathom why Sam just punched me and left without a word. I kept calling and texting her, trying to discern what happened. After I came to, though, I started tearing down the fort I built in my room and returning the house to its original state. I looked at the holes in the walls…my mind reeling.<p>

She even left her wig on the table. I picked it up and shoved it into my pocket best I could. I would need to return it unless she wanted the world to know her secret.

I wasn't sure what to do then. Finally I stood, rewrapping my fingers in gauze as the new wrapping was already ruined. Then I crossed the hall and knocked on the Shay's door. Spencer answered, smiling but as soon as he saw me, his face fell. "Uh…Freddie." No little nickname? Something was off. "I don't think you should be here."

"I just wanted to apologize to Carly." I replied, smiling weakly. My grin was guilty and I felt guilty. "I was a little nasty to her earlier."

Spencer grabbed my shoulder and stepped out into the wall with me. His face was conflicted. "I've got two angry girls upstairs who will rip you apart if they get a hold of you. Plus I am not exactly happy with you either but you have always been nice so I won't tear you apart."

"Wait…why are you mad at me?"

"You hit Carly!" I gaped at him! I did not…would not ever hit Carly! "I know there was probably a reason why you are acting this way but you are just lucky that things are strained right now with Sam's condition and all."

"I didn't hit, Carly!" Why would she say that? I gaped at him. "She came up and I was trying to leave. She grabbed my arm and I pulled away from her. Maybe she got hurt then."

"Well, whatever happened, she is upstairs crying right now." He paused, gauging my face. "Here's what I'll do…I'll let you go upstairs and talk to them but I am not responsible for any bodily harm Sam might inflict."

"Aren't you afraid I may hurt Carly some more?" I muttered, bitterly.

Spencer smirked at me, taking it as a joke. "No, because Sam would kill you first."

I went up the stairs, holding my breath and the rail tightly. When I realized the top of the stairs I heard Carly and Sam talking. They didn't know I was coming and I was almost scared that Sam might jump me when the door opened but neither girl looked up from where they were sitting on the bean bag chairs.

"Um…hey." I said and Sam let go of Carly. Carly's face was streaked with tears and when she looked at me, I noticed that her left eye was swollen and turning a reddish-purple color. Did I really cause that?

Sam was up in an instant and grabbed the front of my shirt. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't beat you to a pulp right now!" She snapped, shaking me violently. "When Carly called me and told me-."

"I didn't hit her!" I snapped and Sam let me go, glancing at Carly. The brunette was watching Sam and I with a indiscernible look on her face. I wasn't sure if it was shock or anger or maybe guilt. I moved to face Carly. "I didn't hit you, Carly. If I did hurt you, it was completely by accident when you grabbed my arm." Her face changed as if she realized that I hadn't hit her purposely or maybe it was something else.

Sam looked between Carly and I. Sam suddenly grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room. "Freddie, what is happening with you?"

"What is happening with you?" I shouted.

"What are you talking about, Freddie?" She asked, her face drained of color.

"You have been changing too. It's like you're suddenly bipolar. I mean, one second you are nice and friendly and all over me. And in the next you are the same old Sam. I know this is a hard time for you but this is getting ridiculous. You just aren't Sam anymore."

"And you aren't Freddie!" She said, almost exasperated. "You are angry and…physical all of a sudden. And I have a reason to be different! I am dying!"

"My father is out of prison…and the girl I love is dying." I muttered slowly, stuffing the wig into her hand. "I am going in there to talk to Carly because I want all this to be over with already."

With that I pushed into the room, leaving Sam looking stricken in the hall. I felt like I was ruining everything. First things were messed up when my dad showed up. Then Sam revealed her secret. Carly and I had a falling out, and then Sam and I had a falling out. At this point, I wanted to sit down and cry into my hands.

"Carly?" I asked softly, sitting down next to her and placing an arm around her.

"I'm sorry." She blubbered. "I never said you hit me. I tried to explain it was an accident but Sam and Spencer blew it out of proportion. Then Sam came over and told us about her _condition_ and I never got the chance to correct them"

"Then why didn't you stop her when she was about to kick my ass over there?" I said, gesturing to the door. "And, can we stop calling it a _condition?_ It is not something that will change. Sam has _leukemia_."

"It's hard."

"I know."

"Are things ever going to go back to normal?" She asked, looking down at her hands.

"I am not sure." I replied, pressing a kiss into her hair. I glanced to the doorway to see Sam watching me, a faint smile on her lips.


	5. Freddie's Dad

**A/N - **I should never have continued this story...at this point it just feels like it is dragging out but I should at least finish it. So I am so sorry for these last two chapters.  
>Disclaimer: I do not read and reveiw.<p>

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><p>"I'm glad we could pick up where we left off." Sam smiled, adjusting her hat on her head as she tried to tie the blanket corner to my curtain rods. "And I'm sorry about decking you. I just…didn't know everything that happened."<p>

"I feel like most of our relationship is made up of misunderstandings." I sighed, running a hand down her back as I helped her reach the rod. She smiled up at me. "And misfortune." I said with a grimace.

"Well, we have to stop letting these things get to us. It will tear us apart as friends. I can't lose either you or Carly right now and you can't lose us."

"So you are saying that you need me?"

"Who says I need you, Benson?" She smirked, giving me a small punch in the arm. She crossed the room and started eating the chicken from the bucket. The food had fallen on the floor but I should have realized that Sam wouldn't care. She just scooped it back up in the container without a blink of the eye.

"I think you did."

"No, I did not."

"Well, you at least _want_ me." I smirked, playfully. She smiled back and grabbed me around the middle. She startled me at first but next thing I knew we were kissing again. She pressed me up against the wall, an arm on either side of me, and her lips were on my neck and lips.

_DING-DONG!_

We jumped apart.

"Maybe we shouldn't get it." I joked. "Last time I got punched."

"Just get it." Sam said, pushing me out of the room rather forcibly.

I looked out the peephole but didn't see anyone. I glanced back at Sam who was standing at the entrance to my room, looking confused. I finally opened the door and peeked out. Off to the side, I saw the last person I wanted to be seeing right now out there.

He pushed his way in, smiling at me brightly. He even gave Sam as small smile as he moved to the couch. He was acting as if he lived here! He had no right…he was the one who left!

He was tall and well built with dark hair and brown eyes. He wore thick-rimmed glasses. And his skin was a tad darker than mine and his facial structure was different as well but there was no mistaking that this man was my father…

Sam gaped at my dad like he was an alien. "So wait…you're Fredweird's dad?" Sam glanced between us for a moment while my dad nodded. "Then why isn't Freddie any better looking?" She smirked at the look on my face. "Kidding."

After that it seemed an awkward silence fell over the living room. My dad just looked between Sam and I as if this silence was normal and he was just a passive observer. Sam and I kept exchanging glances over his head. "Freddie, I was looking for your mom. Is she here?"

"No." I said, clenching my fist and then unclenching it. He seemed unaware of the motion as he just kept chatting.

"Because I need to talk to her about becoming an active part of your life again. I would love to get closer to my son but I don't think I should try to do so without Marissa's approval." He paused. "I know she is avoiding me."

"Well, you _were_ in prison!" I snapped, crossing the room to where Sam stood. She rested a hand on my shoulder as I continued. "You did some terrible things dad…drugs, robbery… I don't think I want to become closer to you." When I finished talking I realized that Sam had stopped robbing my back and I knew why. What I had just said described Sam. She did bad things and ended up on parole several times but she never did drugs or just left like my dad did. Things were different between us…plus, I was deeply in love with her. I reassured her with a quick peck on the cheek.

"I can understand your anger, Freddie but-."

"But nothing, Dad." I said. "I think you need to leave." I pointed with my bad hand.

"What happened to your hand?" His eyes widened and I hid my bandages behind my back. I didn't want to explain but at the same time I wanted to say it was all his fault!

"None of your business." I snapped. It wasn't. Why did he care? He was gone for seventeen years and now he expected me to just forgive him and tell him anything he wanted to know. He wasn't there just yet.

"Freddie, what happened?" He asked sternly like a parent would but he wasn't my parent…he was just a strange man in my apartment.

"We were playing around and I broke his hand. No biggie." Sam replied, stepping in front of me. "And I think the boy said it was none of your business."

"Sam…" I began, trying to tell her not to fight my battles.

But my dad cut in. "Look…Sam, I am just concerned for my son."

"Then where were you all these years? Huh? He needed a father figure and instead you were spending all your time in jail because of bullshit!" She looked on the verge of tears and I realized that this was somehow about herself…it had become personal.

"Sam." I said softly again and this time she turned to hug me. Over her shoulder I saw my dad watching us. "I think you should just leave now."

He nodded and started to leave but he paused with his hand on the doorknob and looked back. "You know who you remind me of, Sam?" Sam glanced at him. "Marissa's…Freddie's mom."

I looked at Sam and then my dad. I half-expected Sam to launch herself at my dad and kill him. Sam _hated_ my mom. And my mom was nothing like Sam. I could hear Sam, gritting her teeth trying to avoid doing the aforementioned thing.

"Marissa is really different now but when I met her she was _terrible_. She would steal and fight all the time. She still has scars where she was stab in a few scraps." Scraps? Who said scraps anymore? "But when she got pregnant with little Freddie she changed. I didn't and her new life had no room for me. And I guess it still doesn't."

I don't know what came over me but I stepped forward. "Dad?" He turned, looking hopeful. "I cannot promise you that you will see Mom but I do want to get to know you. I guess we can hang out sometime and you know, catch up?"

His face lit up and before I could say more he passed me his cell number and left. Sam was standing at the far end of the room, her face one of disbelief. "I would have told him to scram." She groaned, retrieving her chicken. "Mama don't put up with no crapth." The last word was lost in a mouthful of meat.

"Yea, but he is still my father." I mumbled, looking at the door as if I expected him to walk back any moment. I wasn't sure if I was mad or relieved at how things turned out. At least that was one problem solved…Sam was still ill. And it killed me to remember that.

"Benson…tell me one thing please."

"What?"

"I am not really like your mom, am I?" She asked, grimacing.

"Only a bit-." She swung hard and connected with my upper arm, grinning.


	6. Epilogue

**A/N- **The terrible story is completed. I hope you did like it even though I have come to despise it...lol. And I will refraimed from writing anything but one-shots for a while. So R&R and check back for more by me.  
>Disclaimer: iCarly is not mine.<p>

* * *

><p>It had been almost four and a half months since my father had come and finally convinced me to let him be a father to me. Sam was in the hospital now as she had been for several months but not because she had gotten sicker but because her treatment was finally taken full effect. They assured us everyday that while she may still not make it, her chances of survival were drastically increased. And that small hope was all I needed.<p>

Carly was taking it hard but Wendy, Spencer, Gibby and I were all there for her. I was taking it hard as well but I had my mom and my dad now at least. While they hadn't exactly _made_ up, they were at least on speaking terms and my mom agreed to let me get to know my father. I had Sam to thank for that too.

I learned some things too...

Like how you never realized how much a person meant to you until they were gone. It was that way with my father and with Sam. I missed Sam and her snarky attitude everyday. I prayed every night by the side of my bed. I spent most waking moments by her bedside, waiting for her to wake so we could share a few words before she fell asleep again.

That day was the day that we were told that Sam would definitely make a full recovery. Dad and I practically danced into the hospital room, carrying flowers and balloons. He and I had been out to lunch and now we went to visit my favorite girl. And Dad would always make and excuse to duck out of the room so we could be alone but not that day.

Carly, Spencer, Gibby, Wendy, Mom, Dad, Carly, Spencer, Sam's Mom, and even Principle Franklin showed up to bring candy and treats and hugs. Sam smiled at us, palely from under her blankets. It was the first time in weeks that I did not see the despair in her eyes when she looked at me.

She had been so strong through everything but she still had her doubts. She had been ready to die, and I was so glad when she gave up that notion. She didn't have to be ready…in a few weeks she would still be bald but coming to my house to help me build another fort in my bedroom. I had suggested it a week ago…I promised chicken and everything. She had smiled at me.

Finally everyone left, leaving us alone. The first thing I did was gingerly pick up her hand and press it to my lips. She blushed red at me. I leaned in and gave her a small peck on the lips. "Freddie…thanks for being here with me, through all this. Carly was here as well, of course, but you have come a long way and that was what kept me going. You were upset because you thought you were losing me and you were sad because your father was bad but you are happier than ever now."

"That is because you are recovering and I finally get my girl back...my awesome girl." I smiled.

"Yes, I am pretty awesome, Benson…and don't forget it." She gave me a hard punch in the arm. "Well, I guess you aren't grateful for that." She grimaced, referring to her more than a little violent behavior.

"Would it sound bad if I said that I am just as grateful for that as I am for you?"

"Why, yes, it would…weirdo." She smiled and pressed her lips to mine again. And we stood there a long time after, just holding one another. It wasn't until Carly came to wake me did I finally leave.

"I love you, Puckett."

"I love you, Benson."


End file.
